I can tuck mytits in my pants
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
