i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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