i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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