I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
