no. you can't hotbox the world.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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