sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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