She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
