from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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