Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
