ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
