Have you finally orgasmed yet?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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