omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
