Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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