apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
