I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
