fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
