Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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