I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
