i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
