Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
