we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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