Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
