Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
