Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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