Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I love having hate sex.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
