Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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