Don't make out with my wife yet
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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