i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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