did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
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