suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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