I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Randomize
