My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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