omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
