Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
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i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
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I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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