His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
