i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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