I feel like abortions should bother me more
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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