Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
