He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
