Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize