Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
