He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
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