I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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