I cockslap morals
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He literally asked permission to hit on me
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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