my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
