Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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