I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
