last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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