remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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