i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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