yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
