saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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