There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
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You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
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I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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