I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
