Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
