You're my little dorito
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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