the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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