The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
