bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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