You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
