i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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