You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
did i walk over a car last night?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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