she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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