Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
