were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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