Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
