Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
